Back to

Friday, May 7, 2010

Blow to the ego

As I mentioned in the previous post, Gramarye has become a bit heavy in the hands. I am not sure where it all stems from, I just know that one day I got on and she was locking up. It literally happened that quickly. I have been struggling to fix on my own. Last night, I had my Ryan lesson. The adjustment from being a young rider, to an adult professional in business is very difficult. The most difficult thing that I had to deal with last night was the reminder that I am not as effective as I once was... This is hard for me to even type out. I started this blog for a reason. To record the journey, my journey to once again be a competitor. Last night I got a harsh reminder that sitting behind a desk all day is very different from my days as a working student slumming around in a barn. Is it true that the grass is always greener on the other side? Because sitting at my desk I long for the days that I was slumming in a barn, taking order from wealthy women when they actually showed up to ride their 100K+ horses... I long for those days, because "the ladies" only came out once or twice a week. When they didn't show, I got to ride those 100K+ horses. Back then I disliked taking orders from the ladies, but took care of their fancy horses as if they were my own. Well, now I sit in a chair, albeit a nice Aeron chair, behind a desk (or sometimes from home in my PJ's) yearning to go back to the days when I rode 1-8 horses per day.

Last night I was struggling with Gram- not normal, but just the stage she is at in her training. But I wasn't able to use my aids in the way that I once was. I struggled for about 20 minutes. Told Ryan I was frustrated, tried once more, and then I heard the dreadful words I once used on "the ladies"... Ryan said, "Let me get on, so I can feel what is going on..." Shot through my hears and straight to my heart... I of course translated that to "God you are frustrating- why can't you just do what I am telling to, move that leg quicker, release the right rein 1 second sooner- get off the damn horse and let the expert fix the problem you created... you AMATEUR!" In other words, it sucked! Luckily the ride wasn't a walk in the park for Ryan, so it wasn't a mere 5 minutes, and get back on. It was more detailed then what I thought it was going to be. Granted, this isn't the first time Ryan got on Gram, but it was the first time Ryan said, let me get on her. He is a much stronger rider than I am, and rides many different horses. I ride one, and recently started riding two, but that is dependant on so many factors- work, husband, life in general. I am a slave to the Blackberry and a double phone toting gal. One for work, and an iphone for personal use. My work Blackberry is a like a four letter word at home. If I say I need to check that buzz, Donnie gets mad. It is hard for me to do things half assed. I work hard at work; I work hard at the barn. So knowing that I cannot fix a problem on the horse, is a hard pill for me to swallow.

One thing that will stand out for me, is that I need to work harder. I am striving to be the rider I once was- not that I was Courtney King- Dye or anything, but I at least felt effective. Last night I felt lost. But it was fun to see Ryan work the beast :) So this is my first not so great feeling post. Hopefully my post after Sunday's lesson will be better!

The exercises learned last night:
Turn on the forehand, trot, turn on the forehand back to the walk. The right needs less bend, the left needs more bend... The left needs the right to give sooner, and left leg quicker. Try not to twist the upper body and sit too much to the inside. Same in canter to trot to walk. All on the circle.

1 comment:

  1. Ah, the curse of the perfectionist! You're just having a little setback right now, it's not going to hold you back forever. That's horses for you--sometimes you just have to remind yourself that although there is a goal, it's the journey that really counts. You will figure this out, and you will fix it--maybe just not on the deadline you have set for yourself!